10 Mar 2013

Maid deliberately switched off her senses

10 Mar - M has once again poured my herbal soup away!  Reminded her don't touch my soup but she still 'carelessly' poured away .... it looks black so means no good?  I have purposely used beef so that she can try instead of my usual pork version.  好心没好报, you understand how I feel by being nice yet bitten by my evil FDW?  The portion she poured away was enough for the whole family.

I knew no matter how angry I was, how loud I screamed at her, she won't feel a bit of guilt.  She would treat me as a crazy employer trying to make her life miserable.  The person at fault seemed to be me!  I think she's angry with me because she said she wanted that piece of beef for herself but I said I purposely bought it to stew soup.

Because M can't eat pork, she tend to add a lot of salt into our food.  If I am home, I can taste but when she's alone with my girl, my girl can't complain or give feedback.  Despite numerous reminders, she still add more salt than what I've instructed.  She kept forgetting to give my girl water in between hard feeds.

Everyday I hear my girl's cries and clinging tightly to me when I'm home. I know my girl is using her ways to tell me she doesn't want M and M has not been treating her well.  I want to get a replacement but it is so difficult due to MOM 's pro-maid policies.  It is not employer choosing FDW, it is FDWs' heaven, they call the shots.  They tell me what kind of employers they want and some bad agencies instigated them to mould employers for their happiness. 

Everyday, leaving my crying girl in maid's care is something I hate to do but I can't help it unless I resign and stay home.  The market is filled with unreasonable FDW's request .... to me holding on to mobile 24/7 is being unreasonable.  If any maid can prove she has good time management skill, able to complete her daily chores well and has some leftover time (maid still has 8 hours rest/day) to touch her mobile, I'll give in but the fact is most FDWs are too engrossed with personal calls/sms and Facebook and tend to forget they are hired to help the household.  They placed personal enjoyment on top of everything, this is the reason why many like to say 'treat them human' as an excuse and a good reason to kill employer slowly.

After going thru such life, I fully support live-out maid. 
I really hope I can have a FDW who can stay out of my house when I'm home.  This is the best way I can think of to let FDW feel she's human and I'm a human too ... less stressful, win-win situation.  Whatever FDW did outside, be it sleep with men, go clubbing, just ensure MOM doesn't make me responsible --> remove all the strings tied on my neck such as security bond, levy, insurance bought using my name, repatriation clause, maid loan and half yearly medical check-up

A live-out maid will be paid higher, is fully responsible for her own cheap or FOC accommodation (cohabit with man, I don't care), meals, transport, medical, insurance policy and must ensure she finishes all the chores stipulated in the contract based on her agreed working hours.  No overtime claim allowed if she suddenly switch to unsatisfactory and slow mode (unable to complete daily tasks) or entitled to medical leave if she has over indulged the previous night or day. 

I don't encourage FDW to be given paid MC.  This will give them a leeway to anyhow claim sick, unwell although they are perfectly healthy and well to work.  I have seen a number of FDWs who misused kindness by claiming stomache, headache at least once a month and just laze around, waiting to be served by her employers.  Some will instruct her employers to cook or buy what they wanted to eat in order to recover faster!  To avoid having lazy and scheming FDW, I suggest FDW be deducted of one day salary.  By doing so, FDW has to think twice whether she wants to fake an illness.  FDW doesn't need to work but employer still has provide her food and do chores on her behalf.  If FDW is genuinely sick and felt sorry to make employer take care of her, I believe such FDW can be given a paid off day on a day employer felt could be a surprise to her.  We don't want to look bad or unreasonable, we just want to prevent FDW from faking and spend her 'sick' time like a princess.


26 Feb - M has again forgotten to bring my girl water bottle to school.  When FDW's babysitter found out, M retorted drinking MSG soup during lunch is good enough, never mind!  M felt it is alright to make my girl thirsty.  My girl can't complain or ask for water but she'll grab the water bottle if she could reach it to show she needed water. 

One this 'fateful' day, M lost my girl's stroller foot rest.  It is such a big board and she could lose it!  When the board dropped, she couldn't hear it?  It was clip on the front, if dropped, didn't she feel something blocking her way?  Really don't understand how she manage to make me incur losses again. Click

Reminded M that it is unfair to me, she has to bear part of the losses, she simply cried, hid in the toilet and game over, her usual tactic .... I'm still the Cost Centre for her negligience!

I'm still trying very hard to find a replacement.  Having no personal mobile phone on working days is a NO-NO for transfer maids, I really need to find fresh maid hoping her demands will be lower and stay unpolluted in school.  Had been communicating with agencies who just email me bio data without looking at my requirement, eg age and height.  Some even got my family spelt wrong on purpose.  Realised the transfer maid quality is extremely bad these days, they have unrealistic demands.  Encountered a few instances whereby the agencies asked will a separate room be given.  I don't live in a big house with many guest rooms, of course I said no, she'll share the room with my girl, each having own single bed, side by side.


3 Feb - Was sharing my sad life about employing an Indonesian maid.  My neighbour who lived at the another block also contributed her experiences.

She employed a fresh Indonesian based on bio-data.  This girl had menstration and instead of throwing the soiled sanitary pad away, she washed it clean before throwing!  The whole toilet stinked with blood smell and so was the maid's fingers!! Culture shock!  Lucky my neighbour is a stay at home mum, otherwise, she'll faint or vomit.  You dare let maid touch your child or cook food for you? 

Another employed a fresh maid who had terrible tooth decay.  Few days of work, started complaining pain.  Claimed previously was taking pain killer.  It is very costly to fix her teeth.  Somebody may have given her wrong info that employer will pay for her.  Who wants such a person with hidden agenda?


31 Jan - Don't understand why M can't use her brain to remember or activate her eyes to see.  My girl is having insufficient water or the food she's swallowing is too dry, why can't M use her senses?  Had to remind her to give water.  Asked her how long she has worked for me and how many times I have to reminder her to give my poor dehydrated girl WATER!!
M just smiled. 

Happened to talk to one agent about my phobia in getting Indonesian maids .... they are out of my wanted list, not going to hire any of them!  Agent said Indonesians are 'programmed' to do only one task, sound familiar?  Either childcare, cook or housework, cannot make them be an all rounder. 
If they can't multi-task, why come to Spore? 
Who needs a maid full day  (at least 9 hours) to do housework?  I don't need!  Do you?
Who needs a maid full day to do childcare?  50% of M's time is for my girl!  The other 50% do what?  Let her watch TV or chat on her mobile?  Paid her so much to enjoy a good life?


13 Jan - This morning, before I went out, told M to cook lunch.  She said 'what mam'.  I repeated "Cook lunch for you and girl.  About 12.30pm, she sms to ask "mam, want cook lunch?"  Got a feeling she thought I'm buying lunch for her .... often faced this kind of situation, thought I've said clearly but M can still get the wrong message .... sigh!  Should I say luckily, I didn't hire a Myanmese, otherwise, the language barrier would be more obvious and throw me straight to my graveyard?

Requested M to wash my toilet since last Sunday (one week ago), till now almost 8pm, my toilet is still not washed!  Reminded M many times if lights or fans are not need, don't leave them switched on.... she will reply "later want use, not forgot"! 

Asked hubby to ask M whether she really wants to work in my house.  If I'm not a good employer or my house is not a desirable place, she can go back to agent.  Seems like M wants to stay .... hummm, hard to believe, her performance and attitude will tell.


Jan 2013 - M is a FDW with poor working attitude.  Displayed inattentiveness or sullenness almost everyday.  You're a human, you've feelings, SO DO I!!  How come you didn't realise your employer is human too?  How to allow you to poke me with your invisible knieves and still put on a smiley, no big deal face?  You expect your employer to be 没有感情,像活死人,行尸走肉, 不会对你发怒,伤心难过和表示不满?I spent about S$1500/month on YOU to help me not to give me miseries!! 

A FDW who purposely doesn't want to use her brain and senses, how to live with such lousy helper for 365 days x 2 years?  M told people that she met, her ex-employer (before me) was very nice to her, everyday showed her smiley face, don't have any house rules to follow strictly, can do anything she fancies and NEVER scolded her or pointed out her mistakes... not even once!  Best employer yet being fired! 


30 Dec - rashes on my girl!! 
M is not taking good care of my girl.  Her eyes are just to make her face look pretty ... decoration only? 

29 Dec - Hearing issue
Tried to sms M.  sms 6 messages but no reply from her. Decided to ring
Me:  why you don't reply my sms?
M:    no hear
Me:  I sent so many sms you can't hear?
M:    I doing laundry (mobile phone is left on the desk which is about 3.5 metres from the laundry area)
Me:  You really didn't hear the message tones?  Any problem with your ears?
M:    ....


28 Dec - Finding time to shop
Wrote on note book for M to buy duck rice from coffee shop at the market.  M happily went out and only got home almost 1 hour later.
Me:  why so late?
M:    I went out 5.56pm
Me:  you spent almost one hour!  I have already told you not to spend one hour
M:    haven't 1 hour
Me:  I said almost
M:    ....
Me:  I know the market very well, don't need one hour, maximum 45mins will do.  (Walking to and fro is only 20mins)
M:    .....
Me:  how come my girl's dinner is missing
M:    buy what, I no buy
Me:  read your sms (I gave her a mobile to communicate with me and hubby-, not for her personal use)

M was going thru the sms...
M:    where mam
Me:  look carefully..... go back to the earlier sms, I have indicated no duck rice buy wantan noodles
M:    I no see
Me:  what's the point of having big and beautiful eyes that can't see.  So how, my girl no need to eat?
M:    .....


27 Dec - my 可怜 neglected girl
M is not spending time to watch and care for my girl.   Explained during interviews, her main duty is to care and focus on my girl.  M didn't notice the rashes (2 days already) on my darling's face!  M spent the most time with her, did the feeding everyday and claimed don't know, didn't see! Really don't know why she's given a pair of big eyes!!  Can I trust M to take good care of my girl.... so worried!  Do I really need to get another FDW, re-train again??  Will the new FDW be worse?  The party that benefited most will be agencies.  We pay them so much but they don't need to share or bear any responsibilities.  Agencies continue to enjoy huge profits by marketing humans!!  The current MOM policies/system for hiring FDW is so unfair to employers! 

 

 










bruises



23 Dec - This morning, I wrote on a note book what to buy for breakfast. It was in English and Chinese (for the stall people to read).

I wanted beancurd and coconut pancake for my girl but she came home with peanut and coconut pancake.

When I saw M feeding my girl peanut pancake, I asked why there's peanut.
FDW:  no, no peanut
Me:     this is peanut (I pointed to her)
FDW: ohooo peanut, ya ya I buy peanut
Me:     where's the bean curd
FDW:  what bean curd? Don't know. This bean curd?  (pointed to peanut)
Me:     why you don't know, this is the 3rd you're buying from the same stall!
FDW:  don't know
Me:     did you tell stall auntie you wanted peanut?
FDW:  no, I showed note book
Me:     did you tell them you wanted peanut, that's why she didn't pass you bean curd?
FDW:  no, she give wrong
Me:     why you didn't check? I have said many times, open your eyes, be observant and check.  I didn't write peanut, how come you buy home peanut?
FDW:  don't know 
Me:      this is not the first time you're buying from the same stall. Do you know why I'm angry?

M just looked at me.
I googled and showed her a picture of bean curd.
FDW:  oh, this bean curd
Me:      now you know why I'm angry?
FDW just looked at me with expression like I'm just determined to find fault on her.  I was the one who failed to make her understand.  She did nothing wrong.  There's no reason for me to get angry with her.

M chose to close her senses. Things that she doesn't know or just learnt, she refused to write down. Prefers to make mistake.  Prefers to ask and irritate me with things she is suppose to know.  Why so difficult to write?  Asked M to write down what she has learnt, forgot or mistake that she has made each day, she is unwilling to write on a note book!   She's unwilling to learn and be a better helper.

My English pronounciation is different from her Indonesia concept.  To avoid verbal miscommunication and mistake, why can't she write down?  It will also be better when she or I sms to communicate.

Just like mushrooms, I told her not to soak, she still soaks my mushrooms till soggy when I'm not watching and reminding her. Told M I want firm mushrooms, don't want soggy mushrooms. She said they are dirty. She is washing away all the nutrients. Water may looked black but that doesn't mean the shitake mushrooms are dirty!

In general, the smarter the maid, the more room you have to give her.  So is M acting not smart?  Did she hope that if she can't do something, showed incapabilitiies, I should be happy to take over her task and load it on my shoulder .... slog harder at home.... after a day's work in the office?

I don't want a helper who needs me to supervise constantly, remind/nag and enjoy annoying me.  M is my first Indonesian and also the only one who behaves like a spolit big baby!!

11 comments:

  1. I well empathize with you. I had many maids who behaved in similar ways. Never use the 5 senses endowed to them. Got eyes, no see. Got nose, no smell. Got ears no hear. Got tongue, cannot taste badly cooked food, got hands, cannot feel dirt everywhere.

    As for supervision, sorry to tell you that I have not had one maid who can actually work unsupervised in my 20 years having FDWs.

    Bad workers abound.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for posting.
    Minimal supervision preferred for my FDW, not totally free-hand because I'm working full-time. I doubt most employee like their bosses to be breathing on them once that know what are the required tasks to be carried out ... the most important duty is my girl.

    Once a while random check on maid's performance will suffice but not daily.

    ReplyDelete
  3. For me, "random check" ALWAYS shows up tardiness of FDW, such as
    oily and smelly "washed" cooking pots and crockery, piles of dust balls under furniture and in corners, stains on "washed" clothes and towels. Sigh!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Agree. Random check turns up same thing. My maid work for me for 1 year still behaves the same way. I get so frustrated I kick my cupboards because I cannot lay a hand on her. I am so sorry that I was stupid enough to believe her "I will try". It's not trying its just waiting for me to accept her behaviour and close both eyes. I try, she can do next say the same behaviour pops up when she thinks I stop checking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh, I did the same thing. I threw my pans into the basin with a loud bang... she also learnt how to vent anger by banging my things loudly.

      Delete
  5. seriousy, send her packing .... she is hopeless and she will definitely give you more hell. I once tolerated my maid for 6 mths and sent her packing now her next emplyer is up to her eyeballs as well. Her mouth is horrible, SHe love to answer you back and do everything so slowly, you will vomit blood. But knowing that, we told her, if you work like this you slp later,do not think that we will pity you, becasue we don't. WE do not even require her to look after my toddler, all she needs to do is housework and no she does no cooking. Purely housework. We do not live in any private apt, just a normal hdb. So tell me, a maid does not need to cook , does not need to look after my gal and she can work till 2am in the night. We dont require her to wash toilets every day too, only twice a week. Clothes are washed by the machine, no hand wash, so all she does is to sweep, mop put clothes in the machine, clean the house , clean the kitchen after cooking, and iron. And all these. Tell me, how to pity such a maid?

    My Current maid does more than her as she still play with my gal when we are having dinner ( the old one , we dont even require her to play with her since her hygiene is not fantastic and she is so slow.. we let our gal sit with us) and she is still able to rest before 10.... so its obvious that it is a choice and their attitude.

    She love to Answer back and my MIL scolded her for that, she told my MIL no more coffee, ( we bought coffee for her too ) my MIL told her next time knowing that it is finishing, let her know earlier so she can buy when she goes to the supermaket not wait till it is finihs, she answered back, no coffee also never mind. .Fine... so after that no coffee for her. And she still does not know how to apologize after my hubby spoke to her and tell her where she is wrong. She does not want to apologize.

    I told her to heat hot my tuna which is in the fridge for 30s..... she put it in for 3 min in the microwave... seriously, i pity her current employer.

    Unfortunately, if you go to facebook fabrications over PAP, they as us to vote for PAP and when such issues are being raised that they are not helping, guess what, they deleted my comments and distorted my message saying that i am egoistic and maids are human. They obviously do not have maids , not a working mother, and have no brains. They should get a maid from hell and i will see what comes out of their mouth after such experience.

    Maids are clever though they like to act stupid. They have this weird thinking that by acting stupid, employers give them less work . And they likes to do things slowly, and think that by doing that, they do lesser. SO we always tell the maid, it does not work this way. If you do slower, you will still have the same amount of work to do , but you end up sleeping later as it will eat into your rest time. But if you finish faster, you can rest earlier than your stipulated time, we dont mind and we will be happy that you can rest early. Its really a choice .... and see how 'smart' they are.

    Maids cannot mix with other maids, they tend to learn all the nonsense and come home give you attitude, which is why i never agree to maids off day. The gov only tell you about human rights and to make singapore looks good to the rest of the world, they disregard employers woes totally making us feel 3rd class. Everything is at the expense of the employers, anything wrong with the maid, employers fault. Why dun they go find out what is wrong with the maid. Must they experience first hand a maid from hell? Seriously, agencies should give them such maids, in order for them to experence it and to fully understand. Just like the MRT, take the MRT during peak period and feel like sardine before he can understand. Talk is always easy and cheap.



    ReplyDelete
  6. Totally agree!!
    I wish I can send my current FDW back to agency. Hubby still want to give her chance saying we'll be throwing agency money into the drain if we get a replacement. Worry the next FDW may be even worst. I argued back that spending time and $$ on transportation and going to relative house, it will cost more! I'm paying, he's not,

    At home, I have a hubby living under the same roof but not understanding enough to know what I'm going thru, how to expect others who have not encountered bad maids to understand?

    Those voters who have a chance to make a difference to Pungol East and Spore, I hope they X the right choice, get more people to hear us, make something awakening and push for a change to our miserable life.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Winter,
    We recently employed a fresh Indo maid and we are also hit with the same problem. All housework dunno how to do, always run off when asked to take care of my nephew or use too much strength on him until he cries, then still bully my mother when we not around. We employ her to help my mother do housework and take care of my nephew as I'm going to have a baby of my own end of this May. End up now because a lot of houswork dunno how to do / refuse to learn and run off when taking care of my newphew. My mother still as busy as before my maid arrived. The only chores the maid does is wash 2 toilet, sweep floor and mop floor. The rest all still my mother doing and the maid will not lift a finger to help. I'm also very worried about asking her to take care of my new baby in the future. Our relatives told us that if a maid do not have a caring heart of children, no amount of training will help. The agency asked us to send the maid in for counselling. Will it help? Or should I just return the maid and change one? Really need your advise as we are at a loss of what to do. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi!
      This CNY, siblings came to my house and saw my Indo maid. None felt I should keep her (showed the bruises on my girl) but nobody can guarantee the new FDW will perform better. Our Govt not keen to protect our interest nor give us fairer employment terms.

      Siblings suggested the next time when I look for a maid, I must look at the city they come from, whether it is rural (to find out how poor she is) and is she the oldest in the family (must send money house to support a big family of younger siblings).

      Their opinions may work for others but being a parent of a special needs, I have a 'harsh requirement' of no cellphone on working days so this is a killing point because 90% of the transfer maids I spoke said not keen to work for me. Claimed they need to stay in contact with family and friends on a daily basis. Some FDWs didn't say anything, it was the agency staff who gave me a bad time.

      My FDW has no lack of friends because she goes to special school on weekdays, there are plenty of FDWs but this is not good enough.

      IN YOUR CASE, you've not delivered your bb so u can consider changing. Understand a number of Indo agency doesn't provide free FDW replacement. If so, you may want to look at other agencies. The main point is your mum might be slogging harder than before. She could be your FDW's maid without you noticing.

      Do you speak Malay?
      Does she understand your requirement eg help your mum and the new baby?
      Did you do a webcam interview without translation?
      She prepared to be tasked?
      Is she willing to learn and not take advantage of your mum?

      Delete
  8. Dear Madam,

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    ReplyDelete
  9. Got frustrated by my maid again.... Two days ago, my maid told me that the rice is running low. Since Day One, when she is here with us, I already told her that she has to let us know what needed replenishment one week in advance. So I thought running low means still enough to get by for another few days.

    The rice ran out so we couldn't cook. We ate out. After that, we brought her to send money and on the way back, she suddenly said she need to buy sanitary pads. I was fuming mad.

    She expected me to rush out to buy rice or her things by leaving my baby alone with her... This is not the first time she told me last minute to buy things.

    Doesn't maid has eyes to see what is running low and needed advance notice for replenishment?
    Such simple thing, be observant and alert also cannot! Who she think she is to make me run out to buy urgent things? The reason being that I have four kids and I have planned my time to run to do marketing.

    ReplyDelete

This blog is not meant for screw-lose activists or loans. My blog aims to gather all FDWs' news scattered everywhere, become a one-stop site for mentally & financially bullied FDWs' employer to beware and learn. Don't pollute this blog with your pro-maid, insensible and selfish comments! Activists posting here are BLIND IDIOTS, IRRITATING freaks and deliberately showing no RESPECT for others... robbing our only breathing space.