I knew no matter how angry I was, how loud I screamed at her, she won't feel a bit of guilt. She would treat me as a crazy employer trying to make her life miserable. The person at fault seemed to be me! I think she's angry with me because she said she wanted that piece of beef for herself but I said I purposely bought it to stew soup.
Because M can't eat pork, she tend to add a lot of salt into our food. If I am home, I can taste but when she's alone with my girl, my girl can't complain or give feedback. Despite numerous reminders, she still add more salt than what I've instructed. She kept forgetting to give my girl water in between hard feeds.
Everyday I hear my girl's cries and clinging tightly to me when I'm home. I know my girl is using her ways to tell me she doesn't want M and M has not been treating her well. I want to get a replacement but it is so difficult due to MOM 's pro-maid policies. It is not employer choosing FDW, it is FDWs' heaven, they call the shots. They tell me what kind of employers they want and some bad agencies instigated them to mould employers for their happiness.
Everyday, leaving my crying girl in maid's care is something I hate to do but I can't help it unless I resign and stay home. The market is filled with unreasonable FDW's request .... to me holding on to mobile 24/7 is being unreasonable. If any maid can prove she has good time management skill, able to complete her daily chores well and has some leftover time (maid still has 8 hours rest/day) to touch her mobile, I'll give in but the fact is most FDWs are too engrossed with personal calls/sms and Facebook and tend to forget they are hired to help the household. They placed personal enjoyment on top of everything, this is the reason why many like to say 'treat them human' as an excuse and a good reason to kill employer slowly.
After going thru such life, I fully support live-out maid.
I really hope I can have a FDW who can stay out of my house when I'm home. This is the best way I can think of to let FDW feel she's human and I'm a human too ... less stressful, win-win situation. Whatever FDW did outside, be it sleep with men, go clubbing, just ensure MOM doesn't make me responsible --> remove all the strings tied on my neck such as security bond, levy, insurance bought using my name, repatriation clause, maid loan and half yearly medical check-up.
A live-out maid will be paid higher, is fully responsible for her own cheap or FOC accommodation (cohabit with man, I don't care), meals, transport, medical, insurance policy and must ensure she finishes all the chores stipulated in the contract based on her agreed working hours. No overtime claim allowed if she suddenly switch to unsatisfactory and slow mode (unable to complete daily tasks) or entitled to medical leave if she has over indulged the previous night or day.
I don't encourage FDW to be given paid MC. This will give them a leeway to anyhow claim sick, unwell although they are perfectly healthy and well to work. I have seen a number of FDWs who misused kindness by claiming stomache, headache at least once a month and just laze around, waiting to be served by her employers. Some will instruct her employers to cook or buy what they wanted to eat in order to recover faster! To avoid having lazy and scheming FDW, I suggest FDW be deducted of one day salary. By doing so, FDW has to think twice whether she wants to fake an illness. FDW doesn't need to work but employer still has provide her food and do chores on her behalf. If FDW is genuinely sick and felt sorry to make employer take care of her, I believe such FDW can be given a paid off day on a day employer felt could be a surprise to her. We don't want to look bad or unreasonable, we just want to prevent FDW from faking and spend her 'sick' time like a princess.
26 Feb - M has again forgotten to bring my girl water bottle to school. When FDW's babysitter found out, M retorted drinking MSG soup during lunch is good enough, never mind! M felt it is alright to make my girl thirsty. My girl can't complain or ask for water but she'll grab the water bottle if she could reach it to show she needed water.
One this 'fateful' day, M lost my girl's stroller foot rest. It is such a big board and she could lose it! When the board dropped, she couldn't hear it? It was clip on the front, if dropped, didn't she feel something blocking her way? Really don't understand how she manage to make me incur losses again. Click
Reminded M that it is unfair to me, she has to bear part of the losses, she simply cried, hid in the toilet and game over, her usual tactic .... I'm still the Cost Centre for her negligience!
I'm still trying very hard to find a replacement. Having no personal mobile phone on working days is a NO-NO for transfer maids, I really need to find fresh maid hoping her demands will be lower and stay unpolluted in school. Had been communicating with agencies who just email me bio data without looking at my requirement, eg age and height. Some even got my family spelt wrong on purpose. Realised the transfer maid quality is extremely bad these days, they have unrealistic demands. Encountered a few instances whereby the agencies asked will a separate room be given. I don't live in a big house with many guest rooms, of course I said no, she'll share the room with my girl, each having own single bed, side by side.
3 Feb - Was sharing my sad life about employing an Indonesian maid. My neighbour who lived at the another block also contributed her experiences.
She employed a fresh Indonesian based on bio-data. This girl had menstration and instead of throwing the soiled sanitary pad away, she washed it clean before throwing! The whole toilet stinked with blood smell and so was the maid's fingers!! Culture shock! Lucky my neighbour is a stay at home mum, otherwise, she'll faint or vomit. You dare let maid touch your child or cook food for you?
Another employed a fresh maid who had terrible tooth decay. Few days of work, started complaining pain. Claimed previously was taking pain killer. It is very costly to fix her teeth. Somebody may have given her wrong info that employer will pay for her. Who wants such a person with hidden agenda?
31 Jan - Don't understand why M can't use her brain to remember or activate her eyes to see. My girl is having insufficient water or the food she's swallowing is too dry, why can't M use her senses? Had to remind her to give water. Asked her how long she has worked for me and how many times I have to reminder her to give my poor dehydrated girl WATER!!
M just smiled.
Happened to talk to one agent about my phobia in getting Indonesian maids .... they are out of my wanted list, not going to hire any of them! Agent said Indonesians are 'programmed' to do only one task, sound familiar? Either childcare, cook or housework, cannot make them be an all rounder.
If they can't multi-task, why come to Spore?
Who needs a maid full day (at least 9 hours) to do housework? I don't need! Do you?
Who needs a maid full day to do childcare? 50% of M's time is for my girl! The other 50% do what? Let her watch TV or chat on her mobile? Paid her so much to enjoy a good life?
13 Jan - This morning, before I went out, told M to cook lunch. She said 'what mam'. I repeated "Cook lunch for you and girl. About 12.30pm, she sms to ask "mam, want cook lunch?" Got a feeling she thought I'm buying lunch for her .... often faced this kind of situation, thought I've said clearly but M can still get the wrong message .... sigh! Should I say luckily, I didn't hire a Myanmese, otherwise, the language barrier would be more obvious and throw me straight to my graveyard?
Requested M to wash my toilet since last Sunday (one week ago), till now almost 8pm, my toilet is still not washed! Reminded M many times if lights or fans are not need, don't leave them switched on.... she will reply "later want use, not forgot"!
Asked hubby to ask M whether she really wants to work in my house. If I'm not a good employer or my house is not a desirable place, she can go back to agent. Seems like M wants to stay .... hummm, hard to believe, her performance and attitude will tell.
Jan 2013 - M is a FDW with poor working attitude. Displayed inattentiveness or sullenness almost everyday. You're a human, you've feelings, SO DO I!! How come you didn't realise your employer is human too? How to allow you to poke me with your invisible knieves and still put on a smiley, no big deal face? You expect your employer to be 没有感情，像活死人，行尸走肉, 不会对你发怒，伤心难过和表示不满？I spent about S$1500/month on YOU to help me not to give me miseries!!
A FDW who purposely doesn't want to use her brain and senses, how to live with such lousy helper for 365 days x 2 years? M told people that she met, her ex-employer (before me) was very nice to her, everyday showed her smiley face, don't have any house rules to follow strictly, can do anything she fancies and NEVER scolded her or pointed out her mistakes... not even once! Best employer yet being fired!
30 Dec - rashes on my girl!!
M is not taking good care of my girl. Her eyes are just to make her face look pretty ... decoration only?
29 Dec - Hearing issue
Tried to sms M. sms 6 messages but no reply from her. Decided to ring
Me: why you don't reply my sms?
M: no hear
Me: I sent so many sms you can't hear?
M: I doing laundry (mobile phone is left on the desk which is about 3.5 metres from the laundry area)
Me: You really didn't hear the message tones? Any problem with your ears?
28 Dec - Finding time to shop
Wrote on note book for M to buy duck rice from coffee shop at the market. M happily went out and only got home almost 1 hour later.
Me: why so late?
M: I went out 5.56pm
Me: you spent almost one hour! I have already told you not to spend one hour
M: haven't 1 hour
Me: I said almost
Me: I know the market very well, don't need one hour, maximum 45mins will do. (Walking to and fro is only 20mins)
Me: how come my girl's dinner is missing
M: buy what, I no buy
Me: read your sms (I gave her a mobile to communicate with me and hubby-, not for her personal use)
M was going thru the sms...
M: where mam
Me: look carefully..... go back to the earlier sms, I have indicated no duck rice buy wantan noodles
M: I no see
Me: what's the point of having big and beautiful eyes that can't see. So how, my girl no need to eat?
27 Dec - my 可怜 neglected girl
M is not spending time to watch and care for my girl. Explained during interviews, her main duty is to care and focus on my girl. M didn't notice the rashes (2 days already) on my darling's face! M spent the most time with her, did the feeding everyday and claimed don't know, didn't see! Really don't know why she's given a pair of big eyes!! Can I trust M to take good care of my girl.... so worried! Do I really need to get another FDW, re-train again?? Will the new FDW be worse? The party that benefited most will be agencies. We pay them so much but they don't need to share or bear any responsibilities. Agencies continue to enjoy huge profits by marketing humans!! The current MOM policies/system for hiring FDW is so unfair to employers!
23 Dec - This morning, I wrote on a note book what to buy for breakfast. It was in English and Chinese (for the stall people to read).
I wanted beancurd and coconut pancake for my girl but she came home with peanut and coconut pancake.
When I saw M feeding my girl peanut pancake, I asked why there's peanut.
FDW: no, no peanut
Me: this is peanut (I pointed to her)
FDW: ohooo peanut, ya ya I buy peanut
Me: where's the bean curd
FDW: what bean curd? Don't know. This bean curd? (pointed to peanut)
Me: why you don't know, this is the 3rd you're buying from the same stall!
FDW: don't know
Me: did you tell stall auntie you wanted peanut?
FDW: no, I showed note book
Me: did you tell them you wanted peanut, that's why she didn't pass you bean curd?
FDW: no, she give wrongMe: why you didn't check? I have said many times, open your eyes, be observant and check. I didn't write peanut, how come you buy home peanut?
FDW: don't knowMe: this is not the first time you're buying from the same stall. Do you know why I'm angry?
M just looked at me.I googled and showed her a picture of bean curd.
FDW: oh, this bean curd
Me: now you know why I'm angry?
FDW just looked at me with expression like I'm just determined to find fault on her. I was the one who failed to make her understand. She did nothing wrong. There's no reason for me to get angry with her.
My English pronounciation is different from her Indonesia concept. To avoid verbal miscommunication and mistake, why can't she write down? It will also be better when she or I sms to communicate.