21 Jan – yesterday M asked me for an umbrella, claimed weather too hot. I rebuked her and said No, I don’t want my things to be damaged because of her negligence.
M allowed my girl to spoil the expensive S$350 stroller cover. I used the stroller cover and clip-on umbrella because M said she doesn’t know how to push the stroller while holding an umbrella. Now she wants an umbrella …. so when spolit, accuse my girl again?
This morning, she took my long umbrella without permission. I kept it and she asked where is it. Whatever I said yesterday didn’t get into her brain again!
Told M if she continues claimed my girl spolit things and continued thinking she made no mistake, continue failed to watch and take good care of my girl, she is not going to get things that she wanted. As long as she thinks she didn’t make any mistake due to my girl, failed to take responsibility, refused to admit she’s in the wrong, thinking she is very good while I’m very bad …. I’m not going to accede any of her requests. Believe she's angry with me, sms me when in school that she's sick! Cannot swim with my girl but can take mrt go to school to collect something that she asked one of the FDWs in my girl's class to buy! This morning, she happily told me this info and now claimed sick. Too sudden. If she's really unwell, she should rest at home and don't go anywhere.
Hubby disapproved this kind of hard way training, including deducting M's salary for her mistakes. He said my girl will be at losing end. I know but I disagree with M's working attitude. Hubby offered to pay for M's damages. Till-date, he hasn't automatically offered any money. When I hesitated to hire M due to her high agency fee, hubby said he will pay half .... but I'm still the one to suffer financial losses because saying but no action means nothing! Who is the good guy cum 'refugee centre'? Hubby! Who is the baddie? Me!
20 Jan - M denied she did any mistakes, refused to agree on deduction of salary for things 'damaged by my girl'.... due to her negligence. Her main duty is to keep an eye on my girl, take good care of her, make sure she doesn't engage in anything dangerous or destroy things. M has to focus on my girl and not place her attention elsewhere, eg her personal grooming, maintain a watchful eye for new friends/males' attention, hide in the kitchen or somewhere far from my girl.
Emphasized that if M continue allows my girl to destroy things, claimed 'no see, not me or don't know', she is still responsible for my girl's action. Eg in Spore, if you dump rubbish or throw paper on the floor, if caught, NEA will be happy to fine offender S$300. If M purposely switch her eyes off my girl, she'll be held responsible by the authorities. My girl of low IQ doesn't know what is right or wrong. If she knew, I don't need to employ M. Being the caregiver and an adult, M ought to bear the consequences. This is very clear yet M can still pretend or come up with such excuse.
Reminded M if my girl doesn't like her, she didn't try to take good care of my girl (I don't want to see any more new brusies) and get her to accept then I don't have a job to offer her. The reason I had to employ a FDW is for my girl, not to show off! My girl is the most important person, her happiness and well-being decides whether I should continue to employ M. This will be my final reminder and last chance given to M.
Housework/childcare - M felt she didn't make any mistakes because she likes to do things her ways. By being stubborn and not following my ways/instructions is obviously not a mistake, nobody can force her do what she dislikes. Her ex-employers didn't force her do anything against her will, who give me the right to make her change her working style? The body language and working attitude that M displayed is she doesn't need to respect her employers nor please them. If employers tried to make her unhappy, make her feel not treated/respected like a human being, she can 'bite' the employers by going to MOM or vent her frustrations eg on my girl.... my girl is her 把柄!
10 Jan - my relative cum FDW babysitter feedback M has attitude problem. She doesn't give my girl full attention and find chances to enjoy. Example, they went to a playground with water jets, she was happily enjoying herself instead of ensure her main duty is carried out. M has no extra clothes and was prepared to get wet! When my relative reminded her, she was unhappy that her fun time is so short-lived. Relative also noticed my girl was scratching, seemed like M didn't clean my girl throughly... the water jets and play area is not that clean so a cleaning is required before changing into clean and dry clothes.
When my girl finished poo, relative could smell that my girl was smelly. I pointed out to M a few times but she denied and claimed that my girl has been cleaned.
M told my relative her ex-employer (before me) was very nice. Every time bring her out for meal, each meal cost above S$25. M was only given packed food that are worth only $3 to $4! Too cheapskate! In my house, she faced restrictions example cannot use too much oil for cooking, not too salty, no variety, mam's home cooking menu is of poor quality food (recalled M said she likes salmon), etc.
M told my relative she wants to find employment in Hong Kong and giving me about 2 months to 'improve/repent' .... ie treat her well and make her happy to stay. Relative advised me to start looking for replacement .... I wish too but worry the next will be worse. Nobody can guarantee the next FDW will be honest, kind, diligent, not choosy, co-operative and understanding to our needs.
6 Jan - First week of school reopen, I took few days annual leave to orientate M. Showed M how to take mrt go to school and home. I hired M to take good care of my girl independantly but because M usually switch off her brain and senses, I had a tough time training M.
As mentioned earlier, I paid a relative to babysit M from Jan. My relative lives in the East while I stay in the West and school is in the North. Most of the time was wasted on travelling. I don't have a better option because I can't find any nearby kind soul to help me supervise M. PAP govt will not help us by building affordable full day care centre suitable for the forgotten lot ie multiple disabilities children and teens from 6 to 18 years old.
M refused to write down her mistakes, learn from them and don't repeat. She is afraid of the truth ie the book will record how many times each day she has intentionally switched off her brain and senses. M also refused to write down my instructions or read sms correctly. Reminded M to read my sms twice but she chose not to, just picked words and continued to get the wrong messages in order to get me frustrated/annoyed. Yesterday, was so angry that she was testing my limits, decided not to talk to her but she still could force me to open my mouth.
M saw me cut pork, tossed and fried with vegetables (I left some veg uncooked for her to self-service). M also saw me put minced pork into the porridge. She saw me scoop a bowl of porridge out before adding pork and put aside. I went living room to eat lunch (to avoid facing M, the sight of her makes my blood boils), the next time I stepped back into kitchen, I saw her happily feasting. I could keep my mouth shut but thought I just remind her that she has once again forgotten to open her eyes. M took a few mouthful of the porridge and veg, she vomitted all out and threw away my non halal porridge and veg.
I cooked lunch because M was engaged in her own world and not cooking according to the time specified, M simply wasted my good food without any apology, ended up my girl had insufficient porridge to eat. Told hubby, said he heard some FDWs looking for chances to eat pork secretly. By telling them which dishes contained pork, I didn't give them chance to taste a variety of food in Spore and eat something forbidden by religion, unknowingly. Ok, next time, I shall not play angel. M wants to close her senses and brain, fine, she has to bear the consequences. M has to come to a realisation, I'm not her eyes or brain nor FDW's babysitter! Really hate PAP/MOM for forcing me to live with a lousy domestic maid!
One and a half month with me, M still can't get the meaning of warm water. First day of school, guessed she thought she could pull her tricks again by playing forgetful, I had to show others in the same class what a bad and demanding employer I was... I reprimanded her! I even asked teacher to touch the bottle. M said in an angry tone "mam, wants warm, this warm lor!" Obviously, M didn't feel she was in the wrong. No choice, I had to bring her to the basin, poured the so-call warm water on her wrist area.
That kind of warm water is not an issue to an adult but unsuitable for my girl, it is too hot. M has been taught many times what are the right ways to test water temperature but she simply refused to learn my ways. When she was still new with me, she drank the so-call warm water and said it was just right. When I poured on her wrist, she shrank her hand but kept quiet. After a few days of not checking.... assumed she has learnt from her mistake, I realised she's back to her stunts.... played forgetful or tell me all the while that was the right temp, why suddenly I'm pointing her mistake. She said "mam, say warm, this warm" M prepared water that is either not warm (Dec room temperature tend to be cold) or too warm for my little girl. Simple things, she can't even get it correct!
Also told M to hang a bottle of warm water at the living room so that my girl can help herself. She is unable to request for water when M is engrossed in the kitchen. Caught M often engaged with her personal things, reminded M to focus on my girl or housework if my girl is sleeping but no use, she'll continue to do it, get repreminded and then felt I was in the wrong, too demanding, too hard to please, an extremely bad employer and doesn't allow her any leeway.
When we want to go out, gave her a timing, she will be the last and ended up I had to wait 10 mins or more for her. I just need 7 to 10 minutes to shower, including washing my hair but she needed at least 15 mins! M really thought she's here to enjoy princess life? How come FDWs nowadays are so hard to teach and incapable of being your right hand man? I'm paying her salary to suffer!
I'm not the only employer in Spore facing this ordeal. Newspapers/media have been controlled or uninterested to report the truth of employers suffering in the hands of their modern/errant FDWs. Nobody cared to help us voice and be fair to people like me.
Nobody cared to set up a database to match FDWs who are really here to work, what are the reasons they were placed on transfer and FDW's real expectation.
How long must I live with M?
When will there be a policy to say lousy or princess FDWs who failed to do work as per employer's requirements (gave agency my requirements in black and white) can be returned within one month and 90% agency fee and all outstanding maid loan to be returned on the day the FDW was returned to agency?
Can MOM allow M to live out on weekends, bear her own living expenses? Let her moonlight or sleep with men, I don't need to care, don't make me binded by your existing unfair policies. I really can't stand the sight of M everyday, I just need her to assist my girl when I'm working.
MOM's unfair policies
Cost to hire a FDW
Hired FDW for special needs child
Maid with no mobile phone on working days
Mandatory off days
Finding suitable transfer FDW
Employing M, my Indonesian FDW
My house rules
Due diligence from maid agencies